The concept of sexual desire is widely misunderstood. Sexual urges strike spontaneously. We assume that we don’t care about having sex when it doesn’t. Most people, including women, do not typically experience desire this way.
According to Nazanin Moali, a sex therapist and psychologist, people have been led to believe that sexual activity is preceded by an erection or lubrication, followed by sexual activity and orgasm. They said that desire is more often responsive – meaning, first, something must feel good before one wants to be sexual.
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Throughout our lives, our sexual drives ebb and flow for both internal and external reasons. People feel sexually motivated by context rather than out of the blue. However, sometimes we want to get intimate with our partners, but the elements aren’t in our favor. In times like this, these tips will be handy:
Stressed Out? Wind Down
Consider two options: deliberately tend to what’s stressful, even for a few minutes, or get some R&R and self-care.
Be OK With However You’re Feeling
Don’t try to change your mood, be in it. If you want to pursue partnered or solo sex, you can feel snoozy, neutral, or quiet.
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Tap Into Your Fantasies
Sexual fantasies can help you feel excited, but many people feel uncomfortable, ashamed, or embarrassed about them. You can get in the mood by placing yourself in a fantasy you like. Take inspiration from your partner’s fantasies and see what they want.
Enhance Your Environment
Try creating a sexy playlist, dressing sexily, lighting candles, using scented essential oils or incense, or even adorning your bed temporarily with sensual textures.