A significant source of conflict between couples is the division of household duties. According to a recent YouGov poll, the topic of chores was among the top five issues argued about by American couples.
Most domestic duties are still handled by heterosexual couples, even as women make up nearly half of the workforce. Laundry, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, and child care are all physical household tasks, but the invisible work of anticipating and delegating needs is also part of the household labor.
Laura Danger, a Chicago-based coach, said it’s “surprisingly easy” for couples to “slip into antiquated gender roles” when they move in together or have kids.
She said, “It’s not just women doing more work; it’s mentally and emotionally demanding: anticipating and planning for the family’s needs.” Here’s what they do differently:
Their Communication Is Clear and
Detailed
Image Credit: Shutterstock/NDAB Creativity
Danger said that the best way to divide domestic duties is to stay clear and explicit. Those who say they aspire to an egalitarian partnership don’t do it.
The couples who do it successfully go into great detail about everything. In the face of frustration, they do not stifle their emotions or behave passively or aggressively.
Every Week, They Schedule These
Conversations
A one-time conversation about household duties isn’t enough. Couples should schedule a specific time every week to discuss domestic issues.
Danger said, “Be Consistent! Use the time to check in, celebrate wins and discuss who will handle which tasks for the coming week.”
Image Credit: Shutterstock/Odua Images
Sharing Domestic Labor Involves
More Than Just Tasks
In addition to doing the dishes in the sink, Danger suggests showing your partner you care about them by getting them done.
It is especially relevant when it comes to mental load. For example, getting your kids into summer camps or extracurricular activities can be a good idea.
They Are Flexible
A successful couple who shares household duties knows there is no set rule. They are open to making adjustments and renegotiating if the current distribution of tasks doesn’t work.
Pirasteh said, “Couples that prioritize flexibility recognize that just because a chore has been assigned to one person does not mean that the other partner can’t jump in and help when needed.”