We can all learn a lot from couples who have been together a while about nurturing and sustaining a strong, loving connection. In happy partnerships, people rarely do these things, say couples therapists. Generally, they treat each other respectfully, thoughtfully, and with understanding. It’s okay to slip up occasionally, even in the healthiest relationships – we’re human. Here’s what we can learn:
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They Have Tough Conversations.
Every couple will have disagreements on some issues, no matter how compatible they are. Happy couples can talk openly and honestly about touchy topics, like money, in-laws, parenting, sex, and more. Marriage and family therapist Winifred M. Reilly said leaving important issues unexplored damages trust. While tackling these issues takes patience, curiosity, and courage. The reward for being honest and open is a stronger sense of connection and a more fulfilling life together.
They Don’t Hold Grudges.
Happy couples accept that neither they nor their partners are perfect, Reilly said, whereas unhappy couples create distance and disappointments. There is a willingness to apologize and forgive. According to Marni Feuerman, a couples therapist in solid relationships in Florida, people don’t assume hostile intent and easily repair ruptures.
She explained the couple’s mindset is that it’s hard to be in a relationship without making mistakes or unwittingly hurting each other. Moving on is possible with a sincere apology and acceptance.
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They Don’t Call Each Other Names.
Miami marriage and family therapist Amanda Baquero said, most happy couples avoid name-calling even in the heat of the moment because they realize such communication causes defensiveness, negativity, and resentment. She said unhappy couples communicate with contempt, name-calling, and negativity when they enter his office.
Often, partners use expletives like idiot, loser, nobody, etc. It is normal to feel anger, frustration, and disappointment towards your partner from time to time. They still view their partners positively, respectfully, and supportively.